ACLS course...one day fast track....damn!
As part of my job credentials that have to be maintained, I have to have a current ACLS card, or I can't work the ER....(Advanced Cardiac Life Support).....It is usually a two day course, but the hospital group that I work for has been cleared to offer an *ahem* abusive fast track one day "ass whooping". Talk about a lot to digest, new protocols, new rationale behind what you do and why. The test itself wasn't too bad except for recognizing the different types of cardiac rhythms on a strip....Here is a few for you to look at and go "Riff what the hell is this crap..lol"...., 
hint..the last one is a normal rhythm....the others not so good....Anyhow we had a few more to recognize, and some you medicate with one thing and some the other, if you use the wrong thing you could cause bad thing to happen. For example if the top part of your "ticker" isn't pumping well, and just kinda quivers instead of really pumping into the ventricles, we call that A-fib, or atrial fibrillation.....if somebody has a real fast heart rate due to a-fib related problems, you have to treat it carefully, hopefully with medication, and avoid shocking to reset, the atria, and loose a bunch of blood clots into the system....V-fib on the other hand, you light them suckers up...."CLEAR!"...and push meds.....oh by the way...anybody reading this lame blog should watch for this on TV......(your gonna shake your head on this one)....Have any of "Yall" ever watched a movie or tv show where the patient or hero or victim is on a stretcher and they go "flat line"?....What do they do?...they grab the paddles, slap the gel on them , put them on the chest of the dead person, (often with the shirt or gown still on and in between the paddles and the skin of the patient)..Dramatically hollers CLEAR!...and they shock the sucker. The patient arches his or her back makes a face of agony, and flops back in the bed and the process gets repeated a few times...all the time still flat lined...and them as if by magic, as the give up......blip......."wait we got something"...blip blip...."come on you can do it...blip blip blip blip...blah blah blah...and everybody hugs and cries and the patient goes what happened and smiles as if they were just taking a nap.....BULLSHIT......#1. If you are flat lined, that means that your heart has used up all it's energy (ATP for you biology types)and can no longer beat, and is most likely going acidotic, and dying. All the well intentioned electricity in the hoover dam won't do a damn bit of good. You do chest compressions, push drugs and ventilate them, IF you manage to get them back into some sort of rhythm by doing this....then you can shockem....But anyhow I'm just de-compressing a bit...it was a loooooooong fricken day....up at 0430 then class all day untill 550pm then a nice leisurely 2 hour drive back home.....and yes I did pass...only missed two questions on the test, and passed the mock Mega-code......by the way, if you've ever had to do CPR for just a full two minutes, you will understand how "we" nurses feel after a 30 minute code....phew, talking bout sweatin like a whore on nickel night...lol....riff
hint..the last one is a normal rhythm....the others not so good....Anyhow we had a few more to recognize, and some you medicate with one thing and some the other, if you use the wrong thing you could cause bad thing to happen. For example if the top part of your "ticker" isn't pumping well, and just kinda quivers instead of really pumping into the ventricles, we call that A-fib, or atrial fibrillation.....if somebody has a real fast heart rate due to a-fib related problems, you have to treat it carefully, hopefully with medication, and avoid shocking to reset, the atria, and loose a bunch of blood clots into the system....V-fib on the other hand, you light them suckers up...."CLEAR!"...and push meds.....oh by the way...anybody reading this lame blog should watch for this on TV......(your gonna shake your head on this one)....Have any of "Yall" ever watched a movie or tv show where the patient or hero or victim is on a stretcher and they go "flat line"?....What do they do?...they grab the paddles, slap the gel on them , put them on the chest of the dead person, (often with the shirt or gown still on and in between the paddles and the skin of the patient)..Dramatically hollers CLEAR!...and they shock the sucker. The patient arches his or her back makes a face of agony, and flops back in the bed and the process gets repeated a few times...all the time still flat lined...and them as if by magic, as the give up......blip......."wait we got something"...blip blip...."come on you can do it...blip blip blip blip...blah blah blah...and everybody hugs and cries and the patient goes what happened and smiles as if they were just taking a nap.....BULLSHIT......#1. If you are flat lined, that means that your heart has used up all it's energy (ATP for you biology types)and can no longer beat, and is most likely going acidotic, and dying. All the well intentioned electricity in the hoover dam won't do a damn bit of good. You do chest compressions, push drugs and ventilate them, IF you manage to get them back into some sort of rhythm by doing this....then you can shockem....But anyhow I'm just de-compressing a bit...it was a loooooooong fricken day....up at 0430 then class all day untill 550pm then a nice leisurely 2 hour drive back home.....and yes I did pass...only missed two questions on the test, and passed the mock Mega-code......by the way, if you've ever had to do CPR for just a full two minutes, you will understand how "we" nurses feel after a 30 minute code....phew, talking bout sweatin like a whore on nickel night...lol....riff
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