The world according to Riff.

Just a few reasons for a three in the morning visit in the ER, I have encountered lately

mom.."he has fever"...did you give him anything for the fever?....Yes...what and when......motrin three days ago, it worked for a while then quit....

mom, well since my kid is here, I have a cough too...

and when did your child get sick?...four days ago, but after trick or treating today we decided to swing by the ER

"patient"....I need a pregnancy test...do you think you might be pregnant?...yes i havent had my period this month...ok...any medical history, operations ect ect.  ....yes.......well?????.....no gall bladder , no appendix, hysterectomy, and ovaries removed.....when was this?...six years ago..(do what?  )..... when was the last time you had your period?.....six years ago after the hysterectomy...and you want a pregnancy test because you haven't had your period???....yes....OK, we will tell the Doc.......(out of earshot of patient)...psych consult for a 67 year old male in triage

"I need to be seen"...ok what is the emergency?...I bumped my head, now I have a headache......when did this happen?.....ten years ago.......*sigh* (sadly shakes head)...OK we will tell the doctor

"I need to see a doctor"...yes maam what is wrong...I started my medicine for strep throat this afternoon at 430pm, and I'm still feeling sick..(time was 630pm)...*doctor sees patient, writes discharge instructions*...."keep taking the medicine as directed, two hours is a bit early to tell if it's working"...(patient, immediately sighs in relief)...Thank you doctor...and leaves

any medical history?...Yes, I'm a submissive and a furry...furry?...yes I like to dress up as an animal and ...well you know...*and she winks at me through her missing teeth, and smiles*....OK....the doc will see you shortly...*runs out of room, hides in a corner in a fetal position and drools, screaming "My eyes my eyes..oh the horror"*..(not really but I thought about it)...lol

This was in addition to the coke heads with chest pain and a heart rate of 160, the meth addicts with complaints of bad teeth, and the mothers dragging their whole family of six or seven kids all under 12 ...during a nasty thunderstorm with reports of flash flooding...I need all of them seen ..they have runny noses..........but all in all I do love my job...rofl...can't wait for that ole health care to *ahem*..fix things..(laughs and slaps sides).....riff